Yvonne Heimann [00:00:00]
You get the call or the text, or you just know even before anyone ever says a word, simply because the silence just lasts a second too long. You don't stop building, the clients don't wait, the bills don't wait, and grief won't send them an email asking for more time. That heaviness in your chest when you are supposed to be closing a deal and you can't.
Barely close your eyes, your body already knows that something is gonna have to give. Today we are talking about how to keep growing a business when grief won't let go. If this is your first time with us, welcome. She Is A Leader is the podcast where women entrepreneurs talk about what it really takes to lead.
Today's guest built her business through grief. That just seemed to keep coming back. Autumn Wilson is a social media strategist and agency owner who specializes in helping entrepreneurs build simple, sustainable social media strategies that actually lead to clients. What a concept! And all that without burning out or chasing trends. Having supported over 25 brands worldwide.
Autumn is known for cutting through the noise and teaching the why behind what works. She's also the founder of the Simply Social Media Society, a high-touch membership for solopreneurs who want clarity, confidence, and results on social media.
Yvonne Heimann [00:01:40]
Not even that, Autumn is also a friend of mine and in the green room we were just nerding out just how fast time can go because I think the last time we chatted was about a year ago when I was still in my digital nomading up in Victoria. So happy to have you today.
Autumn Wilson [00:02:00]
I'm so excited to be here. Thank you so much.
Yvonne Heimann [00:02:03]
And the fun thing for everybody that's been following along with She Is A Leader, we also found some Smalls glitter in, funnily, in my equipment today. Smalls is that lovely little pub that you might have seen in some of my episodes last year when I was staying in Canada with Amanda. And I gotta love the universe, how she sometimes shows up just really interestingly because.
That Smalls hair was there out of nowhere. I'm like, okay, what is the universe trying to tell us? Yep, yep. It's it's interesting how the universe shows up for us sometimes when we don't even see her showing up or think she's showing up for us, right? Grief, trauma often is.
Some people take it as the why me again. And then you come along. And one of the things you said in your submission for this podcast, when I'm when I'm asking my guests like 10,000 different questions, you said that you've been over the last, I think you said seven, eight years, seemingly in more seasons of grief than not.
So I'm curious, what does a quote normal Tuesday look like for you right now?
Autumn Wilson [00:03:33]
Right now, so this is perfect timing, I'm in a season of grief right now, so this is perfect timing. I can speak from like right within it. So a normal Tuesday for me right now in this season is a lot of white space. It's not going hard, it's not hustling hard, it's going slow, listening to my body, listening to my brain.
And oftentimes having to throw my to-do list out the window and be like, no, it's just sitting on the couch day. It's a, what's the minimal viable thing that needs to get done today to keep my business running and the rest is going to have to wait. And that I think has been the biggest lesson I've had to learn through my seasons of grief is listening to that when it comes up and doing what my body needs in that moment. Because if I don't, it'll wait for me. It'll just keep festering and it'll come back 10 times harder. So learning to listen to those indicators or things that are coming up for me in the moment and being like, okay, this is what my body needs right now. needs to go, me, business needs to go on hold for a bit, for a minute. Go and take care of yourself. Go and take care of the grief. The business will be there when you come back. So that's a normal Tuesday for me right now in this season, which is different from like a, I don't want to say a non grief season because it's always there, but like a lesser grief season where I can just like, I'm just going and going and going and kind of like hustling so to speak. So yeah, it's a very different, very different place to run a business from.
Yvonne Heimann [00:05:15]
ain't that the truth? for anybody that's wondering where my comment is coming from, lost my husband to cancer in 2015. So it's one of the reasons why why I built the business how I built it, right? It's one of the reasons why we are now building FemAuthority and the mission behind it, because I think for women like us that. Everybody experiences trauma, everybody experiences grief. I'm not taking anything away from that. And also, there is, I don't want to put a stamp to it either. There is the emotions we feel on different levels. And some levels of those can completely crush you, right? It's holy fucking shitballs, I am a ball in a corner. Don't talk to me. And I'm just completely falling apart. And when I was going through my major season of grief, and yes, it comes back. And interestingly, my body just reminded me that his death day is coming up. My body always remembers. in those seasons of experiencing grief majorly.
Lost everything because my business wasn't built to be able to pick that up to continue without me. So I'm curious how you have structured your business. I'm like, you're not new in business, you have done this for quite a bit now. how is your business set up for you to be able to be like, you know what? Today is just a fucking shit show. Leave me be. I'm gonna go watch Outlander and not think today or do whatever you want to do. So how have you not me catching up on season eight right now, just saying. at l it's it's one of the coping mechanisms for me. Sometimes I just need to fully feel it. Sometimes I just need to unpluck and just put it in a box and just do something else. No matter how we deal with it, how did you build your business to be able to do, right?
Because bills still need to be paid, clients need to be taken care of, things need to move on. Nobody is my clients didn't stick around forever when I was taking care of Pete, right? Business needs to go on, no matter how we are doing. So how have you structured your business? How are you managing that in the bigger picture?
Autumn Wilson [00:08:04]
Yeah, a couple of different ways. So I built my business on a retainer structure. So all of my clients I have are all retainer clients. So I don't do one-off projects. I don't charge like per post, for example. And I don't do a lot of like, yeah, just like one-off individual kind of things.
Usually when I work with someone, it's like a longer term commitment. It's a longer term strategy, whether it's a retainer client where I'm managing their content for them, or it's a consulting client where we're meeting on a regular basis. Either way, it's more of like a relationship building experience with the client so that I know that if I need, excuse me, I know that if I need to take some downtime, they're not gonna be stressed out. Like I'm not disappearing on them, right?
I've built the relationship with them. I've built the rapport with them. They know I'm always going to get things done on time. And so there's no stress about that. I'm also very clear with my boundaries with my clients from the very beginning in terms of when I will respond to things. I never tell them when they can reach out to me. I'll just tell them when I, when I will and will not pick up the phone and reply to an email. Like if they're calling me at eight o'clock at night, I'm not answering the phone. Like that's just, it's not happening. So I'm very clear with my boundaries.
Yvonne Heimann [00:09:17]
Blasphemy! We are all supposed to be hustling and twent working 24-7. What a concept! Setting boundaries.
Autumn Wilson [00:09:24]
Yeah, I know crazy. So I'm very, I don't want to say strict. I'm not strict in a bad way because I don't, I don't like point my finger at my clients and be like, this is, I just let them, I'm like, Hey, this is, this is the way that it is. If you don't like that, you're not like, you're not my client. It's just, we're just not going to work well together and that's fine. Like we can go separate ways. So it's been a journey of really learning the best clients for me to work with that will understand, but also clients that I don't need to tell them when I'm taking a day off. Like if I wake up on Tuesday and I'm like, this is a shit day, I need to put my to-do list away, I don't tell anybody. Like I don't need, unless I have a meeting that I need to reschedule, but for the most part, I'm like, I don't tell anybody. It's like, I will get the content done on time. I have a deadline. I work ahead on work so that I give myself that space. So if there's a day, that I need to take off. It's like, I've already like, I've worked ahead. It's okay. We're on track. So giving myself that space has been really helpful. And that's why I think the retainer clients work really well. And same when building my membership, like it's still new, but it's been very intentionally like, okay, what are the things that I can do in terms of repurposing content or creating this community in a way where I can do it from the couch or I can do it on the road or, being open with my, with my members too. Like I had a day.
Two weeks ago I had to cancel my live Q &A because I was just, I was not feeling it. I was having a bad day. I was struggling with a migraine. And I just put the note out. was like, I'm really sorry. I have to cancel this event, which I rarely do. But I just, said, I'm available to you through WhatsApp. Like just send me your questions if you've got them and I'll reply as soon as I can. But I need to just like go lie down. And everyone was so sweet. Everyone's like, I hope you feel better. One of my members was like, can I do a healing session with you? Like it was just nice. So it's like the people you surround yourself with, right?
And I think that I'm really proud of how I've done that in my business. But I think being very like confident in how I'm building my business and building those boundaries with clients, which by the way, did not, I did not start my business that way. I had some real crap clients where they were calling me at eight o'clock at night and I was picking up the phone. So I had to learn, I had to learn that that's like, that's not how I want to build my business. And that was through the seasons of Grief where I was like, I can't, like I actually can't be there for my.
If they were to call me, I'd be like, mm-mm, I'm not helpful for you right now. So giving myself that space is a non-negotiable, or else I'm not a good person.
Yvonne Heimann [00:12:00]
We also don't deliver our best on days like that, right? We want to deliver our best to the client, so we need to be our best. And I'm curious to hear about that season when you learned, hey, this doesn't work for me. That eight o'clock at night you are calling me, I'm answering, this doesn't work for me, right? Because yes, the the public perception and message is shifting. However, there is still a lot of messaging out there that says, just push through and stay consistent and show up every day and hustle and all of that, in my opinion, bullshit. Tell me about that. Tell me about that season where that broke down because you just mentioned that's where you started out. You you did take the call at at 8 p.m.
How did that show up when that belief broke down and and the lessons you learned? What was going on in your head at that time?
Autumn Wilson [00:13:00]
I had gotten to a breaking point where I wasn't enjoying my business. There was one particular client who would always push those boundaries and she was the one that would text me at eight o'clock. I, I just approved that post for today. And I would log on. I would post it. I would do the thing. And I was burning out and I was angry. I was resenting that client, even though I loved working on their content and I loved what they did, but I was so resentful towards them.
And I hated my business. And I was only like a year in. I was only a year into my business. And so I was like second guessing everything, being like, did I make a mistake here? Like, am I not supposed to be doing this business thing? And then I realized, I'm like, it's not really me. It's the client. But it's like I didn't establish the boundary. So I needed to kind of learn that. But that was the big thing that was going on. I just was like, I'm miserable. Like, this sucks. And I do not like this. And so that was kind of the indicator.
But I think it was, I mean, if I look back to like the first year in business, I started my business in a season of grief. My husband and I had just found out that we couldn't have kids and infertility just rocked my whole freaking world. And I was like, what is life? Who am I? What is my identity? Like what, as a person that her entire life, people would be like, what do you want to be when you grow up? I was like, a mom. That was it. That's all I wanted. I didn't care what I did for a job. didn't, nothing, none of that.
Autumn Wilson [00:14:27]
So my entire, I had to rethink my entire identity. So it was a big season of grief for me. And that's when I started my business because I was like, who am I? And so there was a lot of in that first year clients that I let walk all over me because I didn't think that I was, deserved anything else. Cause I was just in such a bad place.
And going through a lot of therapy helped me realize like, this isn't right. This isn't, this isn't actually true. Like what they're saying isn't actually true. And that's when I really started learning to like listen to my body and like hear what was going on and just like get out of my head, drop into my body and really just kind of like feel, feel the space that I was in. And so by the time I, I kind of came around to that realization and then I got to this point where I was like, I hate this client.
but I'm doing the thing that I love. And that's when the disconnect was for me. was like, hey, something's off here. Cause I'm like, I hate the client. I hate the experience, but I love what I'm doing. So what's happening. And that's when I realized, I was like, it's these boundaries. Like I just can't, I can't keep operating this way. And then grief kept coming up.
Yvonne Heimann [00:15:36]
So how did you how did you shift? Because I think so I would love to dig a little bit deeper into this because I'm I'm a first one to fire a client. And also there is life is life too, right? So for my audience, let's talk a little bit about.
Number one, yes, firing the client because we now have the knowledge of, okay, this is not working. This is not the project, this is not what I'm doing. It's the client not taking any boundaries and whatever it is, right? How how do you go through this with okay, firing a client, being able to be like, yes, this is not me, not taking on that responsibility, that quote, "fault" replacing the client, making sure bills still get paid and everything that comes with a situation like that. and I don't know, was it just that client or was there potentially two or other or or three more that left the stage and didn't get to be your clients anymore? Help my audience understand how that shift physically happened in your business and how did you manage that?
Autumn Wilson [00:16:53]
Yeah, I mean, a big part of it was first understanding that I was worthy of better clients. That was really a bit like the first big shift for me. And honestly, I would not have figured that out without my therapist at the time. I just did not have the bandwidth to know that. And my therapist at the time had introduced me to mindfulness. And that really helped me understand because it pulled me. It helped me understand that who I am was separate from the emotion that I was feeling. And that separation was a huge switch for me so that I was able to then make moves from a place of clarity rather than being clouded by the emotion that I was feeling at the time. So that realization first made me think, okay, I'm worthy of better clients. Also, I had surrounded myself with very supportive people in a business mastermind. We had met at an online event and created a little community of accountability buddies kind of thing. And we just kind of stuck together as we were all building our businesses. And so it was helpful to have people around me to kind of reinforce positive messages to say, hey, Autumn, you are playing small. You are worthy of better clients. And they helped me kind of take a leap in my business to kind of go all in and believe in myself. And it was basically at a point where I was like, if I don't try, I'll never know.
Like I know that I am unhappy with where I'm at. do not like these. It ended up being two clients over two years that I ended up firing that I really didn't like. The first ones I was like, I'm not even really doing what I want to do. I wasn't even doing social media work for them. So I like, I'm not even really doing what I want to do. So I'm keeping myself small in that way. And then working for people who are constantly belittling me and asking more of me and basically telling me that I wasn't, like I couldn't measure up and I wasn't doing enough. And so having people around me to like reinforce that like, no, this is wrong, you deserve better was really helpful. But it needed to come from inside, like internally as well. Like I needed to have that realization to really kind of believe it. So firing that first client was a huge relief. And I did it.
Autumn Wilson [00:19:10]
Before I even really had the income replaced. I kind of did, but I didn't really, like it was a little bit of a leap of faith. But I'm not someone that's like, there's a lot of people are like, burn the boats, burn the bridges, and you'll only have one way forward. I thought that's, I'm not that risky. I need a little bit more of a safety net. I'm like, I've got bills to pay. This thing needs to, this thing needs to work. So I had like started replacing the income a little bit. So I knew I'm like, okay, I could probably get away with firing this client.
And then as soon as I did, then all of a sudden all these other opportunities started coming up. And that to me is like the universe pulling us in the direction that we're meant to go in, right? But I needed to let go of that in order to move in the new direction, right?
And so then it just started like having that self belief in myself is then what started like, I would then go after opportunities that I didn't necessarily think before I was worthy of. And I remember I landed and there was still one client that was still just like draining me. And I remember going, someone had, a friend of mine had sent me a posting for someone that was looking for a social media manager and they were an influencer.
She had like 20,000 followers and so she would have been like the biggest client I ever had. And I loved her, loved her approach, loved what she was doing and I was so excited about it. But in that season, I was so burnt out. I was grieving. I was trying to figure out my business. I had just fired that other client so I was still trying to find new other clients.
And then I had this one client that was just like draining me and I was like, what am I doing? So I was not in the best head space. And this, my friend just kept saying like, you need to apply for this, you need to apply for this. And I was like, I don't even want to do this. I don't even want to do this. I don't want to. Like this is, I don't want to. And then it was just like one like random Thursday afternoon or Friday afternoon. I was like, okay, I got all my stuff done for the week. This, I'm just going to apply for it. Like whatever. I don't even care. I honestly was like, I don't even care if I get this. That's the head space that I was in.
Autumn Wilson [00:21:13]
And so I don't want to say that I didn't try, but I really didn't like go all in and totally sell myself. Like I did not pitch myself. I just was like, this is who I am. This is what I can do. This is why I think you're cool. This is why I think we'd work well together. I recorded a little video to be like, this is me. This is my approach. I think we'd be a cool team. That's all. Like it was so low effort. Cause I was just not in a good head space. I was like, this is just me totally raw. No show.
And I ended up landing the job and she was like the whale of a client that I was like, I'm a legit social media manager now. Like this is, this is just putting me at that level. And so getting that landing, that client is what allowed me to fire the other client that was draining me and not respecting my boundaries. Right. So I needed to believe it, but I also needed to kind of let go a little bit and like applying for that job, like job. was like, I was still a contractor, but putting the application in for that from a space of being like, I don't care. Like I just had no energy left to care. And so it was the most raw and honest version of myself that I could have possibly put out there. And looking back on it now, I'm like, I think that's when grief kind of was working in my favor because it just stripped everything else away from me. There was no performance, there was no show. I had no energy left to like put lipstick on and be brave. I was just like, nah, this is it. Take it or leave it. Whatever. It was wild.
Yvonne Heimann [00:22:45]
And I'm like, I think especially in something like social media where so much is the polished and the final result. And it's finally again, it's one of those things that I see shifting where people are stepping more in of this is what's happening right now and this is what it actually took to get me there. And the whole seven figure in seven days is bullshit.
Thank God for that shift finally happening. I think that even though life was life in that moment, it was an advantage to you because you showed up as completely you. Not with the polished resume, not with the polished face, not with maybe even some fangirling. You just showed up raw as you were in the moment. And I'm like, I fucking appreciate that more than the whole polished shit, because I had.
More than enough in my past of that polished shit, and people didn't deliver on it. Let's be honest. So, and it comes back around to I think the the idea of how we look at things. you probably hear a lot of this too. It's like, my god, you are so strong. I'm like, am I though?
Yeah, maybe I am, but also I said I'm gonna do, so I did what there is no other choice for me. It doesn't matter what's happening in my life when I said I do, I'm going to do it. And I get that not everybody has that personality, not everybody has
In certain moments, the strength to do it that way. And I hope they're they'll be able to find the strength and get the help however and wherever they need it. And also, I think it's a way of looking at life because you can look at it of, my god, this is happening to me. Why again? Or for me. And as much as this is being used so often.
It's like things don't happen to you, they happen for you. I would challenge that because they only happen for you if you decide they're happening for you. What you make out of it. And listening to you, fuck yeah. They've been happening for you for the last eight plus years because you made them into a lesson, into resilience, into strength.
Autumn Wilson [00:25:32]
Yeah. Yeah, there's, and there's so much in there too that we can unpack. But I want to say too, this, the part on strength, something that I've learned in my season of grief now is that I think strength has different definitions and different seasons that we're in. So there were moments where strength for me was, I don't want to say putting on a mask in a bad way, but there were times where I had to like almost fake it to remind myself who I was. And that's what I say. like, it's not a fake it till you make it. It's remind yourself who the fuck you are. Cause there are times where we're like, there's a past version of myself that I want to be again, or there's a future version of myself that I believe in. I just don't feel her right now. So I'm just going to like act like her and hope that she comes through and she does. And so I feel like there's like, that is a level of strength that like helps us get through things that sometimes we need to do. But then in this season of grief that I'm in now, I've learned that strength for me this time is putting myself first, which sometimes means saying no to things that I might have said yes to before or changing the way I approach things so that I'm putting my own self first. And that's been a big lesson that I've honestly just been learning in last like two months, to be honest. Like we're just, really in it. So.
So I feel like strength can mean different things to different people and in different seasons, right? Cause there have been times where I've just been like, I'm doing the fake it till I make it. I'm just putting that version of myself. I'm putting her in my crosshairs and that's who I'm gonna be. And it helps you work through it. Cause it reminds you, yeah, I am not my grief. I am not getting pulled under by this. I am still this person who is strong and can move forward and can serve my clients and feel all of this garbage at the same time, right? So I think there's different, like, yeah, strength is such a moving target, I feel like, and a sliding scale for all of us, that it can mean different things in different seasons. And it needs to, right? Like I said, like, strength for me right now is like being super selfish and being like, you know, my husband gets home at the end of the week and he's like, I want to go to camp to hang out with our friends this weekend. And I'm like, no. I'm staying home.
Yvonne Heimann [00:27:47]
Go have fun. Bye. that it's it's been interesting looking back. It's in it's again, these episodes and the topics and the people that come on the podcast, the serendipities are always ridiculous. When you say the whole, yes, you know what, I don't need to go, I'm fine, go have fun. It's been interesting for me to look at myself.
Specifically in the environment of Austin. And everybody listening or watching, I have a point to this. I used to be somebody that had the worst FOMO. I always wanted to be in the room. I always wanted to have people around me. I always felt like the outsider and I wanted to be part of everything and never miss anything. And any any listener, any anybody watching even just a few episodes, you know that.
I've been digital nomading for nearly two years. I left San Diego February last year, 2025. So anniversary is coming up. Shout out to Amanda who took me in the first round. And been digital nomading. It's been a lot of stretching my comfort zone. I've always had a plan, and I did not have a plan on where I'm gonna be.
Next location. It just all fell in place, right? So there was a lot of work happening through that season. And I end up in Austin beginning of this year, February 26th. And Austin, my god, everybody told me I didn't believe them. I love the energy there. And there is constantly things happening in all different
Areas of my life, personal business, every kind of different things that I love, right? I'm not just multi-passionate in my business, I'm multi-passionate in my personal life too, once I actually have a personal life. And there's about five different things every night I could do. And I did not have a problem saying no. A few years back would have been unthinkable. I would have burnt myself out.
To a complete meltdown and a full on burnout because I want to be at this event and there and here and there and door. And now I'm like, I'm like, literally, Sunday, don't even talk to me. Sunday is my reset day. If I want to go out, I will go out. But standard usually is that I put my house back together how I want it. I do my laundry and I watch my shows. I don't even talk to anybody on Sundays. Couple of years ago.
That would not have happened. I would have had so much FOMO because I'm not there. I'm not spending my time with that person. And I said no to that person it is so fucking relaxing to recharge my battery with not having people around me. What a concept.
Autumn Wilson [00:30:41]
Yes. I need it. My me time is so necessary. And I think grief plays a big role in that too, because I had to learn. I mean, I always have enjoyed alone time, even when I was younger, I would love to like, I would take myself out to the movies all the time, solo, all by myself. But then when I was in a season of grief,
And to give the timeline a little bit, so my grandfather passed away when I was in first year university. So I was like 21, like that. I had no idea how to deal with it. I'm still residual grieving from that, because I didn't. I didn't grieve. I just dove into caretaking mode for my mom.
I was just trying to do all the things and keep my grandma okay and all these sorts of things. And then I just went back to school. I drank a bunch, went back to school, buried myself in that and it was cool, cool, leads. Never dealt with it. And then when my Nana passed away in 2019, her and I were really close. So that took a big hit. But again, never really grieved it.
And then we went through all of the infertility right after that. We were in the middle of it when she passed away. And then all the infertility stuff happened, which was a lot of grief. And then, which I still grieve sometimes. That was like six years ago, seven years ago now. It's still there.
And then my other set of grandparents, again, very close with huge parts of my life, they passed away really close together, one in February and then one in May of the same year. And that completely wrecked me. And so it's just like one thing after another, like constantly just like pulling, pulling, pulling you down, right? And I think through all of that,
A lot of times I would try to avoid my alone time because I didn't want to sit with the grief. I'm like every time I would be alone, the grief would just be right there. Right? So there were a lot of times where
Yvonne Heimann [00:32:55]
You you're not keeping yourself busy. You are not keeping yourself distracted. You are not running from it. Suddenly you are with it.
Autumn Wilson [00:33:00]
Mm-hmm, exactly. So there was a lot of times where I would avoid my alone time because I knew that's when grief would just descend and just be like a dark cloud. But again, through like therapy and mindfulness and different tactics, like I learned to be okay with that. Like I learned to not be afraid of the grief and be like, okay, this is not going to take me under. It's just a feeling. It's just a mood state. Like that's okay. I can work. I can be with it. And that's what helped me realize like, okay, alone time is not, it's not something for me to avoid.
But then I, and then I started learning that actually alone time is something that I need because I do need those moments where grief is just gonna sit here with me. And there are moments where I just, need it. It, I don't, it needs to be here with me. Like it tells me when it, when it's time. I cannot just like park it on a shelf and be like, I'll pick you up when I've got time for you. It's like, no, no, it'll knock on the door and it'll, it'll be, it's like, I'm here. So. Yeah, so I've learned that and that's just probably in the last year that I've kind of learned that because our dog passed away last fall, the end of last year and that anyone who's lost a pet gets it. It was gut wrenching. It's like, like I said, I've grieved a lot in my life. This is losing my pet. What? This is a level of grief I have not experienced before and so prolonged. Anyway.
And so this is where this time, that's the thing, like each grieving period has taught me a little bit of something about grief. And so this grieving period has taught me like, don't avoid those long moments because you need them to let it be here.
Yvonne Heimann [00:34:38]
I feel like grief is like Pandora's box. If you shove it in, it's going to be triple as bad if it comes once it explodes. Because when it explodes, it will explode. Don't get me wrong. I have I have I have moments where it's like, okay, we're gonna pack this up nicely with the bow on top and put this aside for 24 hours and then we bring it back out.
But the longer it is in there, the more raging it's going to be once it comes out. And if you don't take it back out, it will come back out. Raging and pissed.
Autumn Wilson [00:35:20]
And that was the thing, that's what I learned. Some people are good at that. Some people are good at compartmentalizing their feelings and being like, okay, I know this is here, I'm just gonna park it, I'm gonna come back to it. I do not come back to it. I park it and I forget about it. So for me, I'm like, when the emotion is here, it needs to be recognized. And for me, most of the time, it's just like recognizing that it's here to be like, grief's here, hey, got it, I got you, you're cool.
And usually that's enough. Other times it's like, it's heavy, it needs its moment. And it's like, it's a day, like, or a few hours. I need to just like, you know, be with it. But yeah, like the grief from losing my grandpa when I was young and then losing my nana and not grieving it. Like then when I went through the infertility, I felt both of those, like I grieved both my grandparents while I was going through all the infertility stuff. Cause I was finally in therapy to understand what it meant to grieve.
So all of it was coming back. it's like it was like it had happened yesterday. And I'm sitting there shedding tears over my grandfather that I had lost a decade before. And then my Nana that I had lost years before that I was like, I said my goodbyes. I've done this. It's like, no, you did not. No, you did not. And even when I lost my grandparents a few years ago, I was a little bit better at it. But then when we lost our dog last year, it was about a year ago, I decided to go completely dry and cut alcohol out of my life. And then, so when our dog passed away, and it was such heavy grief, and I was talking to my therapist, I don't understand, I know how to do this. I'm good at grief now. Why is this so hard? She's like, this is the first time you're doing it without alcohol as a buffer. And I was like, I'm like, there was no.
Autumn Wilson [00:37:08]
Band-aid, there was no buffer, it was raw. So then all of the grief that had been building up from before when I had used alcohol to cope with it, because sometimes you need to, all of that residual grief all came up again. So like, my grandparents that passed away years, like they've been front and center on my mind for the last like six months, like as if they just died. So it's like.
You know, like that grief, it was like, it was a few years ago. It was just waiting. You're like, it's like, it's, there. I'm waiting, you know? and then we had a close family friend pass away just a couple of months ago. And it's, so it's just like, it just comes back around and you're like, here it is. Here we go. And so I've just come to the realization now that I'm like, okay, instead of, cause I, I still get angry about it where it's like when we lost our dog and I was back in therapy.
And I said to my therapist, like, I'm just pissed. Like, I'm just so mad that this is here. I've got shit to do. I've got a business to run. I've got goals. I've got big plans. I don't have time to grieve. And she's like, well, honey, you're too bad. Yeah, I don't know what to tell you. And so I've tried to. That's been like a thing that I've learned this year is like, OK, grief is here whether I want it to be or not. So how can I learn to live with it?
And how can I actually maybe try to see it as a friend? What? Like, just like this radical, it's here, it's not going anywhere. So I either learn to work with it or just constantly get agitated by it. So it's like, well, which one do I want? Like I get to choose how I move forward with it, right? It's big.
Yvonne Heimann [00:39:00]
And I'm curious. You mentioned one of your current goals is growing your membership to 500 and becoming an established and known speaker. So what do you know now from Building Through Grief that you wish you would have known when you started?
Autumn Wilson [00:39:23]
You're allowed to do it your way. I wish I had known that earlier because I was constantly trying to build things to fit somebody else's mold and it never worked for me. It was, I always felt like I was pushing molasses up a hill and everything was so hard that I was like, am I even cut out for this? And then grief helped me.
Because it didn't give me a choice, that I was allowed to do things a different way. And I will say I'll give credit to, ironically, Matthew McConaughey, because I heard him speak at an event once, and he had said one thing that's always stuck with me. He said, listen to your 3 a.m. voice. And he basically, yeah, yeah.
And it was like, basically like listen to that voice inside your head that everyone else thinks is crazy. That if you were to say it out loud, people would be like, that's not right. Listen to that voice inside your head that's like, no, there's a different way. And so I've always tried to keep that close since then to be like, okay, no, I'm allowed to do this in a different way. Just because there's a lot of like great advice and great frameworks and pathways and processes and systems out there, you can take and leave as much as you want.
And so I wish I had known then that I could lean into doing things my own way and that there was power in that and that I would actually end up enjoying the process along the way. What a radical idea.
Yvonne Heimann [00:41:00]
Now, as you've heard, grief kept showing up uninvited in Autumn's business, and she kept building anyway. You can grieve and grow a business in the same week. You don't have to wait for one to finish before you can start the other. Think of one woman in your life who's building something right now while she is grieving something else. Center this episode today, and I'll see you in the next episode. Bye everybody.